It's funny how time seasons you. I'm so thankful I know what I know now, and I'm sure there are so many more lessons ahead of me.
When I was younger, I felt very driven to be perfect. I was extremely self-critical, especially of my artwork...but on many other, deeper levels too. I'm sure many things contributed to this mindset. My abusive father and stepmother, the strict religious upbringing I was raised in, and my own desire to prove my worth...to prove that the words hurled at me in angry abandon were wrong. I needed to prove it to them, and to prove it to myself.
But time passes, wounds heal and scar over...and thank goodness if we are open to it, we find growth and change. I can find amusement in some of my silly perfectionism from younger years. For instance, one time I remember getting a new set of watercolor paints. I painted flowers all over a piece of watercolor paper. I hated them and tossed them in the trash. My middle sister objected, fished them out of the trash and kept them. About a year later, as I was visiting my mom and sisters, I went into my middle sisters room. She had the prettiest flowers cut out and sprinkled across her walls. I told her..."Oh, I love those! They are beautiful!" Her eyes flew wide open and her mouth dropped. She started laughing out loud at me. "Those are the ones you painted last year and threw away!" I couldn't believe it. I'd forgotten about them, and seeing them with fresh, unbiased eyes had completely changed my mind.
We are so often our own worst critics. I frequently get upset with myself and will cry myself to sleep when I've had a bad day with my kids. If I raise my voice or say something cross, I feel absolutely horrible and like the worst mom ever. But then I'll read about some truly horrible parent in the paper - someone who neglects or abuses a child...and I realize that I'm just imperfect, not horrible. Or I'll be in public and hear a parent say something harsh like I heard the other day, "Son, you have the smallest heart." (overhearing that comment absolutely BROKE my heart. How could you say that to a little boy???) Times like that remind me that I'm not perfect...but I'm careful...and I love my kids and they are happy children.
Other times, I'll make a mistake while torching...grab the wrong color of glass, or a design won't go the way I want it to. In the past, I'd have tossed my work away immediately...considering it ruined. But I've learned something along the way...PERFECTION IS OVERRATED! ;)
Sometimes the best ideas come from mistakes, sometimes the most beautiful art was a failed version of something else, and definitely the most beautiful people in my life are the most humbly imperfect ones.
So go out there and celebrate your perfect imperfection! I know I am!
Dana :)
1 comment:
"PERFECTION IS OVERRATED"
Amen!
Beautiful entry!
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